


Confessions

by endlessnightlock (Endlessnightlock)



Series: One Night Stands (aka One-Shot Collection) [16]
Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Confessions, Dark Humor, F/M, He's still hijacked but didn't get to Katniss, I think that covers everything, Peeta in a coma, Peeta is rescued from Thirteen, Self-Loathing, cannon-divergent, doesn't it?, hand-holding, instead he was knocked out by the guards and hit his head, sounds like a fun ride, wakes up when Katniss confesses her feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:28:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28453122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Endlessnightlock/pseuds/endlessnightlock
Summary: Cross-posting from Tumblr, based on an Anon Prompt: "You're in a coma, and I confess my feelings, only for you to wake up."
Relationships: Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark
Series: One Night Stands (aka One-Shot Collection) [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2001196
Comments: 11
Kudos: 44





	Confessions

“Hey, ” I tell Peeta, sliding down into the chair the doctor placed next to his bed for me. It’s what I do every night at this time; visiting him in the hospital wing before heading back to my room and another sleepless night is my new routine since his rescue from the Capitol.

My greeting earns me no response from Peeta. I wasn’t expecting one either, because he’s been in a coma since the night he and the other Victors arrived in Thirteen. Peeta launched himself at me, and his fingertips were grazing my neck when the guards restrained him, knocking him onto the floor. 

Peeta hit his head so hard on the concrete floor the medical staff told us he was lucky his skull didn’t crack. 

Oh, that Peeta- always so fortunate, isn’t he? I’m sure that’s what he was telling himself while Snow was torturing him for the last eight weeks. 

According to Johanna, they kept each other pretty good company from their adjoining cell rooms with their matching screams. She made sure to tell me that detail the first time I ran into her after her release into the general population- she told me she hated me in almost the next breath, which is fitting because I hate myself too. Now the two of us share a room. It seems appropriate- at least we understand each other.

Peeta was lucky the way I was lucky myself, managing to convince Coin not to try Peeta and the other victors as war criminals. All that cost me was my promise to behave in front of the cameras- whenever I couldn’t manage to find a good enough hiding spot, that was. I don’t know that I’ve held up my end of the bargain with Coin. I don’t know what that means for the promises she made me in return. I’ll find out soon enough.

I take Peeta’s hand in mine. His skin is warm, but the muscles beneath are limp, reminding me how far away he still is. I rub my fingertips along the ridges of his knuckles and between his fingers, acquainting myself with him in a way I never had the chance to do when he was awake but wanted to so many times. So much of the person Peeta is is tied up in his hands. 

I wonder if he’ll ever touch me again with them. The doctors are optimistic that he’ll wake up on his own soon, but what then? The last time he reached for me, he was going for my throat.

Prim says the Capitol hijacked Peeta’s memories, according to Thirteen’s medical team. They conditioned him to associate anything to do with me with fear. 

In a way, it seems like they did Peeta a favor- he should be afraid of me. Everywhere I go, everything I touch leads to destruction. Peeta would have been better off if he’d figured that out on his own and written me off. At least he’d still have his mind.

And now, what’s left of him? I know he doesn’t love me anymore. I can hardly stand to be in the same room with him now, aware that he no longer does. Yet here I sit. 

Then again, I’ve also spent my fair share of time deemed _Mentally_ _Unstable_ by the doctors here. It takes one to know one, I guess.

I study his face. Once Peeta’s awake, I’ll have to stay away from him, so I take this opportunity while I can. The bruises he arrived with have mostly faded, but there are still some beneath his eyes and a few visible from the medical gown’s neckline. His hair was shorn almost to the scalp, but short hair is emerging again. He’s emaciated, a far cry from the healthy, strong Peeta from the Quell arena, but at least he’s here. 

“I’m sorry,” I hear myself say as my eyes rake over him. 

I have so little control over myself these days. The words I don’t typically know how to say just seem to fall out of my mouth. 

“I’m sorry they did this to you. It was because of me- it’s my fault that all of this happened. In the arena, I guess I finally gave Snow what he commanded. I had to convince him that I loved you. It worked. And, he used it to break you.” I wipe my eyes and nose on the sleeve of my jumpsuit. “If it’s any consolation, he broke me too.”

Because I can, still, I turn Peeta’s hand over and press it against my cheek to feel the warmth from his body. My eyes close, and for a minute, I can pretend that he forgives me. 

As I’m holding his hand there, a tremor begins, the first sign of life since I’ve started visiting him. I drop his hand in shock, guiltily like I’ve done something wrong. 

Maybe I have.

Peeta’s eyes are open, barely; the blue is startling against his pale face. He studies me- his expression is blank, but at least he doesn’t seem afraid. “Katniss-” he begins. His voice creaks from disuse.

I shake my head, and he stops trying to talk. He doesn’t need to do that now, and I don’t want to hear his words, honestly. I don’t want to cry in front of him. 

There are so many more things I should say to Peeta, but my throat stops up. “I’ll get a doctor,” I do manage to say as I stand up on shaky legs. 

**Author's Note:**

> this is a one-shot, for now, but I may add more if inspiration strikes. Thanks for reading!


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